Choosing a password: 2009

I was changing my password at work a couple of weeks ago and was perturbed because I've run out of easy to remember passwords. I simply could  not  think of a new password. My mind wasn’t a blank though. Somehow my mind swarmed with ideas that were mostly connected to a book I had just finished reading Occult Symbolism  in Alchemy and the Arts by Herbert Silberer. It was a remarkable book, although it's  about certain kinds of experiences that wouldn’t mean anything to anyone that hadn’t had them. I can remember when the book would not have had any meaning to me. Having had the experiences it seemed to me my mind formed 'kinship' between events that had happened to me when I read the ideas in the book. This is an inner process that I observed, the way I would observe a movie.  Its a detached kind of observer-ship into my mind, somewhat akin to reading a computer output, but not exactly.  I’ve found out that it’s very difficult for me to put ‘that kind of experience’ into the kind of words  Silberer  had written.  I did recognize they described the nature of my experiences exquisitely well.  I thought it quite a good description to a person that has 'been there, done that' and I had.

My mind couldn’t fix on choosing a password. In a few seconds my mind produced a lot of content that had nothing to do with choosing a password, or so it seemed to me.  My thought drifted to other books that were somewhat related to Silberer's. I remembered having read Ira Progoff's, The Dynamics of Hope and recognizing he described many aspects of ‘certain kinds of experiences’ I’d had  myself, that were basically beyond any language I had available. He had the language and used it. He wrote about states of mind and stages of perception, a kind of internal 'coloration' of events that had been related to a ‘mystical path’ in life. Sometimes he wrote about a process of  growth that led to enhanced intelligence,  a psychological development.  

But in my language they were ‘weird things’ that happened  to me,  embedded  in every day life although sometimes events affected  my body in various ways.  Nothing tangible was changed but some how everything was different and different words were needed to describe the thing at work. I remembered reading The End Of Our Exploring by Monica Furlong which  is about ‘journey’s' and I remembered how little that book meant to me when I read it.

Some internal process formed associations and that process made it possible to recognize my own experiences in Silberer’s.  Progoff’s and Furlong's books. Progoff wrote that there’s a final stage where a decision is made, a final choice is made, a commitment is made and only then the seeker is rewarded with a blessing that guarantees success. It seemed to me the decision to be made was approaching me but I wasn't sure what it was  yet.

I was still sitting at my desk, the screen on my monitor waiting for me to choose a password. I was also fuming about how computers complexify just about every aspect of every day life. Nothing is simple, everything's changing, always. “ Technology is a mixed blessing.”  I thought.  Somehow all of that inner stuff  produced an impulse that caused me to automatically type my new password: blessme2. The name came out of my fingers, not my thought.

 ”That fits.” I smiled to myself. “I need a blessing;, bless me too.” 

Only a few days later I went to McDonalds for breakfast and a gorgeous black Mercedes parked in front of me, licensed, URBLEST2. Was it an answer  to my wish?   It seemed to link up with the way I felt, and what I had thought about when my password came to me.

Two very pretty young girls seemed to have been blessed with that gorgeous car, which may explain their choice of letters  and numbers. It made me smile a bit, but I felt a bit angry also, this kind of ‘coincidence’ has happened so often for so long.